An Angel Among Us

I used to have this crazy dream that I'd be out walking along a street and would stop at an intersection before crossing. I'd look to the left, then right and then I'd stop. I had just walked into my mom. My dream would then go as far as me thinking if I'd be mad at her or how I'd react when I saw her just standing there. Would I tell her how angry I had been? Would I tell her the heartache that we had all felt? That dream stopped about 10 years ago. I concluded that if I DID bump into her I'd hug her and tell her how much I had missed her. And then I told myself that she'd always be in my heart.
SIXTEEN years ago on this night Mama left us. No one suspected her departure. No one knew how sick she was. No one realized how different our life would be from that point on. Next year I will have lived longer without her then I ever lived with her.
I now think about all the things I'd want to tell her if I bumped into her and I think that there is NOTHING I'd want to tell her. If I had it my way, I'd keep all the years and events she missed for myself. I wouldn't trade them. I've met some amazing people, learned some amazing lessons, and visited beautiful places. For all the hurt and pain that losing her caused my life, I'd never trade it. It's all made me who I am.
What I'd want more than anything is for her to hold and meet the people I regret she never got to know.
 "Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."